The Company You Keep: How Friendship Shapes Your Journey
There comes a time in life when you realize that even in your friendships, choosing you is no longer optional. The same way you choose yourself in romantic relationships, careers, or personal growth, you must also choose yourself in friendships. True, meaningful friendships don’t just require love and laughter—they need boundaries, understanding, and, most importantly, a solid foundation of self-awareness.
Gossip Girl said, “Everyone knows you can’t choose family, but you can choose your friends. In a world ruled by bloodlines and bank accounts, it pays to have a pal.” I’ve found this to be so true in my own life. The friendships we choose play an enormous role in shaping our experiences, our growth, and, ultimately, our happiness.
For me, friendship has been the source of most of my intimacy in adulthood. While romantic relationships may come and go, it’s the friendships that have sustained me. They’ve provided the comfort, companionship, and emotional closeness that have helped me navigate the ups and downs of life. But those relationships only became richer when I learned to cultivate a deep friendship with myself first.
Cultivating Friendships That Honor Your Growth
Much like my journey of self-love, my journey with friendship had to begin within. When I started choosing myself, my friendships shifted. I found that people who respected my growth, my peace, and my boundaries began to naturally align with my life. Friendships aren’t meant to be one-sided or to drain you; they should uplift, challenge, and grow with you.
I’ve had to let go of friendships that no longer fit who I was becoming. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. As I grew into the woman I wanted to be, I realized not everyone would join me in that journey—and that’s okay. Some people are seasonal, and some are lifelong, but the common thread in both types is how I was showing up for me.
The Role of Boundaries in Friendship
Setting boundaries within friendships was one of the hardest things I’ve done as I haven’t always chosen me. As a natural giver, it was easy for me to pour into my friends without asking for anything in return. But when I started recognizing my own worth and setting clear boundaries, my friendships deepened in ways I couldn’t imagine. I wasn’t just giving out of obligation—I was giving out of abundance.
Boundaries are especially needed when managing friendships with people who are so different from you that you have to question the connection. I am not ignorant of the fact that not everyone will be the same as me, but as I’ve matured in my womanhood, I realize that I want friends with similar goals and, most importantly, similar values.
When you set boundaries, you allow your friendships to be built on mutual respect. You’re telling your friends that you love them, but you also love yourself enough to make sure both your needs are met. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. And in the best friendships, your boundaries will be honored and respected without question.
Practical Ways to Nurture Meaningful Friendships
Know Your Value: Before you can be a great friend, you need to understand your own worth. A friend can only meet you as deeply as you’ve met yourself. If you’re giving to others before giving to yourself, you’re setting yourself up for imbalance.
Communicate with Intent: Healthy friendships thrive on clear communication. Whether it’s celebrating wins or discussing tough truths, being open and honest with your friends is key to fostering strong bonds.
Choose Friends Who Choose Growth: As you evolve, it’s important to have friends who are growing, too. Surround yourself with people who challenge you to be your best self and who are also committed to their own growth.
Make Time for Connection: Friendships, like any relationship, require effort. Be intentional about spending time with your friends, whether it’s through a simple phone call, grabbing coffee, or scheduling time to check in with each other.
Your Friendship Journey Awaits
Friendship is one of life’s greatest gifts, but it’s a gift that is most cherished when it’s built on a foundation of self-love and mutual respect. The journey starts with you, with how you show up for yourself, and how you choose to let others into your life.
Remember, the friendships that honor you will reflect the love you’ve cultivated within. As you continue to grow into the person you’re becoming, the people who are meant to be with you on this journey will naturally align.
Welcome back to “Girl, Finally,” where we celebrate the beauty of connection, friendship, and the power of choosing yourself first. Together, let’s build friendships that honor our growth and nourish our souls.
Until next time.
Xoxo,
T 🌹