Choosing Yourself First: Embracing Self-Love and Solitude for Personal Growth
There comes a time in life where choosing you is no longer optional. Sometimes that looks like choosing you or a relationship, a job, an environment. Whether you’re simply fed up with yourself and current life or something forced you into it, the space of separation before transitioning into the next season in your life is bound to happen at one point or another if you want a new life. Bell Hooks said it best, “Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we be with others without using them as a means of escape.”
They say self love is the best love, and that may be debatable but what’s not is the fact that you need to be okay with you before integrating into someone else’s world. For me, it’s been a few moments in my life where I had to isolate before pivoting. This didn’t look like “cutting everyone off” suddenly and this new life appeared. I simply started aligning myself with the woman I wanted to be. I started looking like my future self and building habits that my future self would enjoy, and ended up manifesting a life beyond my wildest dreams.
The happiest version of ourselves will always be the version that is the most content with who we are within, regardless of where we are in life. I have had nothing, and I have had everything. Through each season of my life, though, one thing remained constant: my commitment to my self preservation and self-love.
Embracing Solitude: My Journey to Self-Love:
I remember the first time I truly embraced solitude. I started setting boundaries, and saying no. This was hard for me since I am a server at heart and absolutely love making people happy. It was a transformative period, one filled with introspection and the deliberate shedding of old habits that no longer served me. I knew I needed boundaries and a little more time to get to know myself when my compassion for other people had overridden my peace and consolation.
I started taking myself out and doing things that kept me close to the home within. I learned to enjoy my own company, to listen to my thoughts without judgment, and to nurture my spirit. This journey wasn't always easy, but it was necessary. Even my connections were different. The people I attracted started to feel like home also. I started noticing that people were as intentional I as was. There is always community tied to every version of us.
I trust myself now more than ever. Self-love is far more than shopping and beauty maintenance. It’s being able to love your self through it all. It’s being able to sit with your self, even when you’re messy. It’s being so confident in who you are, that wherever you are in life, you know that you are capable and able to be whoever you want to be.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Love
Believe in something bigger than you: It’s GOD for me! As a Christian woman, I wake up praying and reading the Word of God. While I did grow up Christian, the relationship was built in my solitude.
Mindful Practices: Engage in activities that bring you peace, whether it’s meditation, journaling, or walking. These moments of mindfulness help center your thoughts and foster a deeper connection with yourself.
Set Boundaries: Protect your energy by setting healthy boundaries. Learn to say no to things that drain you and yes to what nourishes your soul.
Visualize Your Future Self: Imagine the person you want to become. What habits, traits, and values does she embody? Start integrating those qualities into your daily life. Look beyond your current circumstances. She’s in there just waiting for you to tap in.
Your Journey Awaits
This idea of putting my relationship with myself as the center of all of my relationship has helped mold me into the woman I am today. As you navigate love, life, and everything in between, remember that your relationship with yourself sets the tone for all other relationships. Embrace the journey of self-love and watch how it transforms every aspect of your life.
Welcome to "Girl, Finally," where we hold space for each other, share our stories, and support one another on this beautiful journey of self-discovery and love. Together, we will navigate the complexities of relationships and celebrate the power of choosing ourselves first.