The Rhythm of Love: How Self-Love Shapes Romantic Relationships
I’ve always loved love. Call me crazy, but I truly believe that love is always waiting on me—waiting for me to be ready, to be open, and to welcome it in. While my past relationships have been valuable experiences, I’m excited to continue discovering the love that aligns with my growth and aspirations. To me, love feels like 80s soul music, where the melodies are smooth, the rhythm is infectious, and the atmosphere is filled with love.
Having been in relationships for most of my life, I genuinely enjoy partnership. There’s something beautiful about sharing experiences and building a life with someone. However, despite my longing for that deep connection, I haven’t been able to mutually feel it with many of my partners and the emotional connection I crave has eluded me.
As a Cancer, people often assume I’m this super emotional, intuitive being, and while I do feel deeply, I don’t really subscribe to all of the zodiac stuff. Still, there’s some truth to me being emotionally cautious. As I mentioned in my last post, most of my emotional intimacy has come from friendships. It’s been hard for me to open up fully and give myself away, even in romantic relationships. Maybe one day I’ll feel secure enough in someone to really let go, but until then, I keep parts of myself protected.
The Fear of Letting Someone In
I’ve always approached love with caution, especially when it comes to getting romantically close to the wrong people. Some of my friends have accused me of having an "avoidant/dismissive attachment" style, and maybe there’s some truth to that. I don’t intentionally push people away, but I do find it difficult to open up. As the oldest daughter, I have consistently dealt with my things alone or been the “strong” one and that had flowed to all parts of my life, including my romantic life. It’s not that I don’t want to connect deeply—I just need to feel completely secure before I can do that.
Despite this, I know I’m a great romantic partner in theory. I enjoy and love all the traditional “woman” things—cooking and baking, nurturing, being soft and supportive. I love playing my part in that dynamic. I understand everyone’s ideal dynamic is different, but I find joy in being a woman and basking in my feminine joy. But even with all of that, I’m still learning to open myself up emotionally in relationships. I’m not emotionally cold, in fact, my prior partners have all praised me on my emotional availability and openness. Most times, only I know how reserved I’m being emotionally and it’s not really noticeable from others. I’ve realized that when you emotionally support others that way I do, it’s hard to see my lack of emotional connection to them.
Keeping an Open Heart
Maya Angelou’s words have given me the strength to keep my heart open: “Have enough courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.” Even though love hasn’t always worked out in the past, I refuse to let that stop me from experiencing it again and again. Every experience has taught me something valuable, and each one has brought me closer to understanding what I need from a partner—and what I need from myself.
Boundaries and Caution in Romance
In the past, I’ve been so cautious that I held myself back from fully experiencing love. But I’ve learned that while being cautious is important, especially when it comes to protecting your heart, it’s just as important to remain open. Self-love has taught me how to balance these two. I’m no longer afraid to set boundaries or to walk away from a situation that doesn’t serve me, but I’m also no longer afraid to take risks when it feels right.
Being a hopeful romantic means having faith that true and MUTUAL love will find me, but it also means trusting myself to know when love is right—and when it’s not.
Choosing the Right Love
What I’ve come to realize is that true love honors who you are and who you are becoming. It challenges you to grow but never asks you to sacrifice your peace or your boundaries. Love is patient, and instead of merely waiting for the right love to come along, it’s essential to continue growing into the person you’re meant to be. While love feels good, it’s crucial to live your life for you. Although I may not have experienced the one yet, I trust that when I do, it will be a love that aligns with the woman I am today—and the woman I’m continuing to become.
Even though it’s been hard for me to let people in fully in the past, I’m learning to trust myself enough to open up again. It’s a process, but with each step, I feel closer to the love that’s waiting for me. And as much as I love love, I’m also learning to love the journey that comes with it—the highs, the lows, and everything in between.
Your Romantic Journey Awaits
Love is one of life’s greatest adventures, and even though it hasn’t always worked out, I believe that love is waiting for me, just as it’s waiting for you. We just have to be willing to trust ourselves, let go of fear, and embrace the unknown. With self-love as our guide, we’ll attract the love that’s meant for us—the love that feels mutual, deep, and true.
xoxo,
T 🌹